Embrace The Hardships

Embrace the hardships, what is that supposed to mean you might be asking. Well Sunday at my church, Puyallup Foursquare, the pastor Roger Archer spoke on this topic. It stems from James 1:2-4 & 11-12

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4.

“For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business. Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him,” James 1:11-12

This deployment has been anything but easy. More so maybe because of my background. Let me explain some things about myself. I grew up as an only child. I have a much older sister, 14 years older actually. I am a product of my mom’s second marriage. My dad met my mom when my dad was quite young, early twenties.  So I am my dad’s baby and his only biological child, though he sees my sister as his daughter as well. I grew up very babied and may I say spoiled, I am my dad’s little girl. If I have a problem, its dad to the rescue. When I got married my dad gave me away but I have still kept that umbilical cord attached. It’s not as if I really wanted it this way, but when your husband deploys 13 days after you marry its not exactly easy to cling to your new marriage.

Instead I found myself living alone for the first time in my life and incredibly lonely. Chris and I moved into my grandmothers old house, it has needed a lot of work and I have needed a bit of help to keep it up. My dad has been such a great help to me, but God has been my comforter and revealed himself through this trial. This is not a trial I would have wished upon myself but it is a process and a time in my life that I am even now only 4 month through with this year long deployment looking back upon it and smiling. It has not always been pretty and Chris would say its not been easy to hear me be so upset. However, my gracious Savior has held me up when I thought I would crumble and fall. He is daily showing me his love and faithfulness. He is bringing people into my life to encourage me and help me get through this time. I have been seeking Him out and He is meeting me every step of the way. He is refining me and chiseling away at my guarded heart. I am trying hard to embrace this time in my life and hopefully someday be able to encourage someone else who is walking down this path. God has a purpose for this time in my life and finding once again a hope that only Jesus can reveal. If not for this hope, I would probably be sitting on my couch doing absolutely nothing. I am still trying to figure out what the purpose is for this time, and I realize I may not understand for many years to come, but some how some way God will take this seemly quiet and lonely time in my life, to help me grow closer to him and persevere to face the next challenge that comes my way. Thank you heavenly Father for your love and faithfulness.

Our Love Story!

So I thought I’d write a post about how I met and fell in love with my husband Christopher. Well it goes something like this.

Early last summer (2008) I was between jobs and was at orientation for my new job when I met one of my best girlfriends (we’ll call her Mrs. M) at said orientation. We ended up sitting next to each other by some fluke and started chit chatting away. We went out to lunch that day and hit it off. I learned that day that her husband was stationed at Fort Lewis and that she was finishing her RN at a local community college. We kept in touch by phone mostly. About a month or so later she invited me to her husband’s birthday party down at the Ram on the water front in Tacoma. So originally I had plans for that night to head into Seattle but changed them so I could go and meet a lot of Melissa’s friends. She promised some good looking single guys!

I showed up that night and had so much fun. That night I met Chris, but he was totally not on my radar. I knew he was in the military and not too long before this I had been burned pretty bad by a man that was in the military. So I pretty much ignored Chris. In fact there was another guy there that was very charming and quite cute I might add, I won’t mention his name but he was definitely on my radar. I was hitting on this poor guy pretty darn hard. Unfortunately what this certain fellow didn’t tell me until a week or so later was that he was not available. He was in a on again, off again relationship. I was pretty bummed. It did not help my already wounded ego from a relationship that had gone sour a few weeks before. In fact I remember talking to Mrs. M a few days later complaining that I was so tired of this dating game. I just wanted to be married already to a wonderful man. I wanted my dream of being married and to start a family to hurry up and get here. Boy if I could have just looked around the corner and saw what God had in store for me!

So probably about a week or two later I was invited to go to a water park with Mrs. M and a few others. One of these few others was Chris. Come to find out Chris and Mrs. M’s husband were best friends. We talked a little bit that day and the flirting started that night in the hot at the water park. I did not think much of it, I thought he was cute, but I did not think anything would come of it.

That same weekend I was invited to Mrs. M place for a late dinner after work with her husband (we’ll call him S) and Chris was going to be there too. So I smelled something brewing even before I got to Mrs. M and S’ place. I get there and the apartment is dimly lit and something smelled really good. The guys had made dinner for Mrs. M and I. That night the sparks flew. Weeks later we were pretty much inseparable. It did not take long before Chris was smitten with me. It took me a little longer to really be fully invested in our relationship but not too long into it and I was head over heels for my soldier. Even then we spent over a month apart while he was doing training exercises with allied forces in Germany. We spent a significant amount of time apart during those first few months. I began to see what this life was going to be like. The constant training the long days, and the build towards a year long deployment. It was not fun and I did some yelling and arguing with him about his choice of a career. Even then I was not sure if his career choice was the life I wanted. However when it came down to it I loved him more than the inevitable sacrifices I would be making to love him and to be with him. Even then I asked God for strength because it was hard to understand why Chris had such a desire for a career in the Army.

In February a few days before Valentines day Chris took me to a really nice restaurant over looking the sound in Tacoma. It was beautiful, the city lights gleaming down in the valley. Chris was acting a little weird that night but I just pushed away that it was the fancy restaurant and the suit and tie making him uncomfortable. Right before dinner he came over to my side of the table. I remember thinking to myself what the heck is he doing. He pulled out the chair that separated us and got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I was instantly teary eyes and so surprised, I had no idea that he was going to ask. I wanted him to and knew it would come eventually, but I had no idea that, that dinner at that restaurant would the place we would get engaged. Four months later on July 11, 2009 in Las Vegas surrounded by our friends and family we got married. So yes our wedding anniversary is 7-11. I figured that way he wouldn’t forget it. Thirteen days later we began the hardest thing I think a newly married couple can endure, our first deployment together. As I sat in the Tricare office getting enrolled, Chris got the call that his deployment date was being pushed up again. Instead of having the rest of the week and the weekend to spend time with friends and family we only had four days. I sat there crying because I had spent the previous weekend working thinking I had more time but it was not to be. So that Friday I tearfully left my husband on base to deploy to Iraq for a year. It is not easy to be separated by so much distance, but I try to let him know that I love him each and every day. The disconnect I feel sometimes can feel overwhelming at times but each day God gives me the strength to push forward until we are together again.

Blessed

So I am sick and spent about 3 hours at the doc in a box (urgent care clinic). I got over my head cold last week and had been feeling good this last week, a few days ago I felt something coming on. Yesterday I have felt like crap, I have a sinus infection. It hurts like a bugger. My head feels like its going to pop off and this is after taking decongestants for 24 hours. So I get home after battling through the wet and the rain and finally arrive home with antibiotics.

As I am sitting down and relaxing, my cell rings. It’s my handsome man, and I so needed to talk to him. My heart was aching to just hear his voice for the last couple of weeks. We haven’t been able to connect lately and it was starting to wear on me. We sort of got the truck thing figured out. I think, his dad just told him what he wanted to hear though. So I am not sure what’s going on but all is well for now.

We sort of talked about his re-enlistment in a round about way. But basically he just said “Honey please try not worry about it, put it in the back of your mind, we have a while till a decision needs to be made.” I was so relieved and needed him to reassure me that his mind was not made up yet. My heart overflows with love for this man, God continually shows me that Chris is a loving, kind man and he truly wants to do right by me. Chris knows that I worry a lot about our future. It’s an area that I struggle with trusting God in. God has placed this verse in my path time and again.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

This has been a daily struggle especially since Chris has deployed. In my dreams I even dream about worrying about life and where it will take us. I ask God on a weekly basis/daily to just give me peace about tomorrow and the next. Remind me who has my best interests at heart. He knows what I need before I do. He tells us in Philippians:

“Do not be anxious about anything , but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcend all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippines 4: 6-7

Lately I have been really seeking after God and to ask for help to get through this deployment. It has not been easy to daily yield myself before God, sometimes asking Him hourly to help me just trust him to work out all the little details of life and particularly to bring Chris home safe. I wonder sometimes how much time have I wasted just worrying about things in the future, things that I really cannot do anything about currently. Sometimes it can be exhausting and I have to just ask God to help calm my mind. I have to ask myself  ”Maya, do you believe God is who He says He is, if so just have faith and trust. Snap out of it and trust Him who knows what you need before it is ever a whisper in your mind.

With all this said, I fell absolutely blessed tonight. God has given me so much and I am thankful tonight. I am especially thankful for my wonderful husband who can see into my scared heart, tells me not to worry and tries to make me smile even on the other side of the world. February hurry get here fast, my hearts yearns to see his smiling face.

Over The Top!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are the rules:
1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers.
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey
1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your hair? blonde
3. Your mother? kind
4. Your father? giving
5. Your favorite food? Indian
6. Your dream last night? vague
7. Your favorite drink? wine
8. Your dream/goal? family
9. What room are you in? front
10. Your hobby? none
11. Your fear? moving
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Mom
13. Where were you last night? work
14. Something that you aren’t? weak
15. Muffins? dense
16. Wish list item? vacation
17. Where did you grow up? suburbs
18. Last thing you did? smiled
19. What are you wearing? fleece
20. Your TV? Giant
21. Your pets? Daisy
22. Friends? awesome
23. Your life? frantic
24. Your mood? down
25. Missing someone? always
26. Vehicle? Ford
27. Something you’re not wearing? hat
28. Your favorite store? Nordstom
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday
32. Your best friend? few
33. One place that I go to over and over? gym
34. One person who e-mails me regularly? Grandma
35. Favorite place to eat? Taste-of-India

I nominated Two P’s in a blog, A Day in this Army Wife’s Life, High Heels and Combat Boots, Across the Ocean, Fifteen months, Lawrence Family Blog….

Looking For Tranquility

Lately it’s been one problem after another. And God has been tugging on my heart stings asking me are you ready to let me help. Lately my answer has been yes Lord please help, I do not know what to do.

If you’ve read any of my past entries you’ll remember the mess with my husband’s truck. Long story short. My husband’s step-mother drove his truck to the store and ran it into a pole causing the front end about 4 to 5,000 dollars in damages. So Chris and I had discussed it and did not want to put in on our insurance because we already had a claim earlier this year from a small fender bender Chris had gotten into. We both did not want our insurance to go up any more. Chris is a high risk driver and we are paying a lot as it is. So I told his dad using our insurance was not an option. So he went to his insurance company who of course would not cover it. So that was a few weeks ago.

Now I have talked to his dad again, and they have recently moved and really do not have the money to fix the truck. I am waiting for Chris to call again this week to discuss what to do next. I am fighting resent with this issue. It is not my truck, not my parents and I am not the reason we are having insurance problems. I feel in some ways like I am being steam rolled by his dad. I am having a hard time being firm about this whole thing with his dad. Honestly I do not know his dad all that well and I am frustrated to say the least. Part of me just wants to plop this whole thing in Chris’s lap and tell him either deal with from Iraq or leave it till you get home in February cause I am done. This is not the attitude I should have and I have been asking for wisdom and patience from God cause my temper is flaring. I need Chris to call, I hate stewing on stuff for weeks at a time. I like to get issues resolved and stop thinking about them cause I can drive myself crazy. I am trying hard to stay positive but it is hard. I ran into this passage in Pslams and found it encouraging.

“Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation, brought joy to my soul.”
Psalm 94:17-19 (NIV)

I as I am heading towards another long week, I am looking forward to hopefully getting this issue resolved. If anything I think Chris needs to discuss this with his dad, because I have enough on my plate. Hopefully Chris will understand this cause I am feeling very worn out. Oh I hope this is a good week.