Given What I Need!

God has been doing a work on this heart of mine. He is starting to show me that He has given me what I need not what I want! What I want is for my husband to not deploy and for us to start a family. This however is not to be at this point in time. I am slowly starting to accept this and come to grips with everything and all that means. I still have moments where I am upset that I am once again having to go through this but I am not alone and that Jesus is by my side.

I know in my head that Jesus is going to walk with me through this next deployment, but I also knew that I needed some Godly women beside me to help me through it as well. I began looking for ways to do this. It just so happened I came across a post on the Facebook, Faith Deployed page asking about good churches in the Lewis-McCord area. I went to put in my two cents when I saw a post about a military wives support group at one of the local churches I knew of. I looked into it and they were doing the study I had just recently bought called Tour of Duty  by Sara Horn. I was seriously praising God. He works in wonderful ways.  At this time I had a major falling out with a very good friend.  God knew I would need friends during this time.

One of the verses I’ve discovered through this study is Isaiah 42: 16: “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them, I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”

At times during my first deployment I did feel forsaken by God at times, mostly by CJ. That is a hard thing to even talk about over a year out. I felt completely abandoned by CJ and forgotten by God. It was a deep dark pit I was in. Now on the other side and about to head into another deployment I am determined to do things differently. I want to thrive and not just survive this next deployment. I want to come out on the other side knowing God better and letting Him help me through it.

So I am trying to prepare myself for what is to come. I know no matter what this is not going to be fun and that I am going to struggle. My struggles may not be the same as the first deployment but I know that they are going to come and I am going to do my best to stay positive and to look to Jesus and to stay focused on Him.

Lord, only you know what my next 13 months is going to look like. Let the year without CJ go quickly, but also let me learn more about you and myself through this process. Help me to ask for help from you and others when I am struggling to stay afloat. Let me see and feel your hand in my life. In Jesus name amen!

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~ by Green Eyed Girl on October 16, 2011.