I finally was able to talk to CJ. It was amazing to hear his voice and to know he’s ok. It was such a relief. Nothing really significant was discussed. It was just really good to finally have some contact with my husband. For weeks now family and friends would ask me if I had heard from CJ and I would sadly say no and no I am not sure why. I can make assumptions and try to imagine the reasons I hadn’t heard from him but the truth was not what I imagined.
CJ was working nights but his office got reorganized and now his shift is the day shift. So that was part of it. The other part of it was there have been a few casualties. I knew of one but CJ says there were more. When this happens and until next of kin can be notified the base goes on communication blackout. No phone calls out, no internet, no communication what so ever. The last deployment there was an accident early on that killed a few soldiers but after that the causalities were few and far in between. Now we are less than 2 months into this whole thing and already there have been communication blackouts left and right.
CJ has assured me since he got to his main FOB that he hasn’t left the wire. (BIG SIGH) He’s working with HQ and communications this deployment. This is a change for him and he admitted it can be hard on him. He hears all this action happening and he’s used to being in the thick of it. I am sure he feels a little helpless, sitting there in an office type setting listening to all that is going on outside the wire wanting to help but that is not his role this deployment. Well it definitely gives me something to pray about for him.
Not to completely switch topics but in my last entry I wrote that I was learning a lot about God and his character. Well I am reading a book one of my mother in-laws (I have 3). The man who raised CJ, he goes by Smith, and was married to CJ’s mom. They later divorced but remained really good friends. Any way Smith remarried a few years ago and is married to a wonderful christian women. She recommended the the book Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer. What a great book, especially for me since CJ deploying means I have a whole lot more time to myself to let my mind wander and to worry and fret.
The book really focuses on changing the way you think. During really tough times like say during a deployment, struggles in my marriage I struggle with worry, confusion, doubt, and ultimately fear. Last deployment these were some of the very emotions that ruled over me like a weight or heavy fog. It was not a good place to be. In Joyce book it says:
” Positive minds produce positive lives. Negetive minds produce negative lives. Positive
thoughts are always full of faith and hope. Negative thoughts are always full of fear and doubt.
In my life this has been very true. The more I have focused on the negetive aspects of my life at this point: my struggling marriage, my deployed husband, family issues etc… the more I find my self depressed and doubting God’s hand in my life. Before all the problems in my life arose, I knew God wanted a different experience for me this deployment. I still struggle but not in the same way as last deployment. He has truly begun to show me what resting in God’s love and comfort really means. I have such a peace most days, the only way I can even begin to explain it is it’s all God. God, as the saying goes, is walking me through the fire. It’s not an easy path but God is good and his mercies are new every morning.