So it happened!

Things are going ok. I finally got to talk with my husband about a week ago.  That was the first time I had talk to him on the phone since early December. I guess he ran out of cell minutes and they didn’t go back to the main FOB last month to resupply. I try really hard not to nag at him on the phone for stuff that happens. It gets me no where, and he will not really be hearing me out.

So it happened though, he forgot my birthday. I mean completely forgot, even though I had reminded him last week. I do not expect him to send me a card or a present, just acknowledge that it is a special day in my life, a quick call or even an email wishing his wife a Happy Birthday sometime during that week would be great. I sat on my hurt and general upset for several days before I broke down and emailed him. I was not mean, but I did explain that his forgetfulness really hurt my feelings. And more so in order for us to stay connected he has to communicate with me. I write him letters and emails regularly. I can do these things until I am blue in the face, but I cannot do his part in keeping us somewhat connected unless he communicates with me as well. Once every week would be nice. I realize he could be very busy, but just a quick email or a phone call even at 4 am my time would be fine. I just know I will not go another deployment like this. I feel as if he just expects our relationship to be put on pause while we are apart. It doesn’t work like that. I need to feel appreciated and loved and the only way that is going to happen is if he tells me.

I have been reading my bible a lot lately trying to stay grounded. Inside sometimes I feel as if I am being needy and selfish, but I really have not put demands on him. Do not get me wrong, I know he loves me. I know this is hard for both of us, but I am just flying by the seat of my pants trying to figure this whole military life/marriage stuff out. I knew marriage would be a big challenge, but the Army gives the word challenge a whole new meaning. It is not easy and so not fun, but I have to have hope that its going to get better, otherwise why the heck do I even try.

Still waiting until the end of this month to hear about his R&R, I just have this feeling that he will not be coming home until March. Which is fine, that means really I will only have about  4 and a half more months until he is home for good for a while. I am hoping this deployment will be all said and done by the end of July. I realize it could be August though. I am still really anxious about our decision on whether or not to re-enlist. It is such a big one and it really does not sit well with me. Please Lord, give us both reassurance and peace about making this decision. I so need to feel at peace, at this point my feelings are nothing but resentment for this big ugly machine called the Army.

~ by Green Eyed Girl on January 16, 2010.